Category: Articles

Chicago, IL – After only three weeks enrolled in the year long Ecclesiastes course at Moody Theological College, local theological student Stephen Densmore has quit, stating that the whole thing was fundamentally meaningless.

The announcement came via a public Facebook post to his friends, which has quickly gained hundreds of likes and shares, and numerous encouragement comments such as ‘Follow your heart’, ‘This is your season’, and even one stating “You go Stephen, a time to stand up, a time to speak out”

While it is not exactly clear what course Mr Densmore intends to pick up in order to meet the college requirements part of his announcement include a veiled criticism of the lecturer Dr Verity Goodword:

“I entered the course full of optimism, wanting to find out how I could use my work and wealth for the glory of God. Of course I was also particularly interested in how my pleasure and passions could be used for the plans and purposes of God.

But at the end of every topic we studied, and all the issues I poured my effort into, Dr Goodword told me that all my hard work was for nothing, and it just left me feeling, well, empty. Of course, there seemed to be a time for everything: a time for talking, and a time for listening, a time for writing and a time for blah blah blah.

The final straw was when I flicked through the course notes and near the end there was a whole class dedicated to Chapter 12 verse 12, namely ‘Of making many books there is no end, and much study is a weariness of the flesh’. Even though it was only week 3, I closed the book and thought, What’s the point of all this. If everything is meaningless in this course, then I’m not sitting here wasting my life any more. I took a stand, got up and walked out”.

Although there has been no official comment from the College, rumour has it, that Mr Densmore was strongly encouraged to be patient, as the latter part of the course would bring all the ‘plans and purposes of God’ together and focus on the whole duty of man. Sadly, Mr Densmore refused to listen, and has now lodged a formal complaint against the college.

Many of you will know the missing word in the title of this post. Many will not.

So what is the answer?

Is it that someone would lay down his ‘phone’ while talking to his friends? Or that someone would lay down the television remote for another person? Other possibilities include to lay down your head, or to lay down your guns, or even for the Bob Dylan fans, could it be that to lay down your weary tune, is the greatest of all loves?

Actually, the real answer from the Bible and from the lips of Jesus is “life”. There is no greater love than to lay down your life for your friends. It makes sense doesn’t it. This is not talking about killing people such as suicide bomber, or taking up arms for a cause. It is talking about being willing to lay down your own life, to sacrifice all that you are and all that you could be, for a friend (or friends).

We talk about the sacrifice of soldiers at war who guarantee our freedom. We talk about it for parents who lose their own life in order to save a child’s. We talk about it for a person who takes a bullet for another. And these type of ‘sacrifices’ are noble and honourable. But there is, in fact, one love that is greater. A love that is above the love shown in laying down your life for your friends.

I’m not a theologian, so I’m not sure whether it is a contradiction in the Bible or not, but the greater love that is at the heart of Christianity, and at the very core of the gospel of Jesus Christ is found in book of Romans in the Bible at Chapter 5, verse 8 to 10:

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us … For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”

Jesus laid down his life for his enemies. He not only commanded us to love our enemies but he himself died for his enemies, including you and including me, so that we could have something that we could never achieve on our own – peace with God.

How these two ideas of sacrifice fit together is both more complex and more straightforward than you could ever imagine. Jesus showed us the greatest love when he gave up his life as a ransom for many. It was the only way. It is the only way. Do you believe it?

A few weeks ago I ran the Gold Coast marathon [in Queensland, Australia]. It was sort of fun, in a ‘falling down an up-escalator kind of way’, and I managed to escape with only a few aches and pains, unlike this guy who I saw along the way.

(Photo by Richard Gosling)

His name is Damien Rider, a 41 year old endurance athlete, who not only finished the 42.2 kilometre race, but did so carrying a single bed mattress.

Apart from the shock and amazement of seeing him out on the course, I found out later that he actually finished with a few minutes to spare ahead of the 6 hours and 40 minute cut off time. But the obvious question remains: Why?

Does he suffer from sudden and unexpected narcolepsy that requires him for his own safety to carry a bed around? Did he double book himself for both a marathon and helping a friend to move? Or is he one of those ‘fundamentalist Christians’ who take everything literally?

Say what? Yes, you know the ones. The ones who take all the ‘red letters’ in the Bible literally, such as Mark Chapter 2 verse 9 where it is written: “Rise, take up your mat[tress] and walk”.

Of course, there’s a bit more to the Bible story than that including a paralysed guy and his very eager companions who dug through the roof of a house, just so they could lower their friend ‘mission impossible’ style, right in front Jesus. But amazingly it worked and Jesus healed both his sins and his pins, and even took a swipe at the local lawyers (a past-time that has survived the ages) when he asked them which is easier, to say “Your sins are forgiven” or “Get up, take up your mattress and run 42.2 kilometres”. Evidently, they both seem pretty hard to me, but Damien Rider has now shown the latter possible.

But as far as I could tell, none of Mr Rider’s tattoos were Bible verses, nor could I see any obvious fish symbol on the mattress. So I am left unable to confirm or deny if he was in fact inspired by this part of the Bible (or whether he does actually suffer from any form of narcolepsy). However what I can say is that Mr Rider has been completing a whole series of these type of endurance feats to try and encourage others to achieve their goals, with the motto ‘Never lay down, never give up’ (which I have checked, and in case you were wondering is not in the Bible).

It’s a fairly unusual motto I would have thought for a guy carrying a bed, but as long as he is doing what makes him happy, then I suppose nothing [else] really mattress.

Did you know that sheep are the most mentioned animal in the Bible? Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t, but it’s actually true – sheep and Shepherds are all throughout the Bible. The Lord is my shepherd; All we like sheep have gone astray; an angel appeared to the shepherds; the Lamb of God; and so on.

And it is not hard to work out why. The Bible (both the New and the Old Testament) was written at a time and in a place where sheep were an important part of the culture.

But have you ever wondered about the significance of all of these references. While they may cause some outrage to 21^st century people who get upset about being called sheep, or even worse, sheeple, God has at various times described himself as both a shepherd and a sheep. But it may also have caused some problems for 1^st century people as to why an angel would appear to low-paid workers tending livestock, not to mention the scandal of a baby being born in a sheep’s feeding trough, the Manger.

But what does the Lamb of God, Jesus himself, say about Shepherds and sheep. Quite a lot actually, and most of it can be summed up in three words: Feed my lambs.

To feed God’s flock is a high calling, and in fact even the word ‘Pastor’ literally means shepherd (from the Latin word to feed or graze), but sadly, and perhaps quite interestingly, we have a habit of creating distinctions in the church. We are not just Shepherds anymore, but we are Head Shepherds, Assistant Shepherds, Community Shepherds, Youth Shepherds, Bible Study Shepherds, Deputy Shepherds of Farmyard Governance, Shepherds of Administrative Affairs, Diocesan Shepherds, Music Shepherds, Educational Shepherds and the list goes on.

Now while some of these are important distinctions, and indeed the Bible tells us in 1 Corinthians that we each have a different role to play in the body of Christ (just to mix up the metaphor a bit), they all have the same underlying role: Feed my lambs.

And so whether at Christmas or at other times of the year, it is important to remember the first Nativity, the night when Mary had her little Lamb, whose fleece was white as snow. But it is also important to remember that the little Lamb grew up and had a much greater purpose in life, becoming the good shepherd who laid down his life for his sheep.

So what is your response to all of this? What should it be? Well 1 Peter 5:2-4 gives us some idea of what we should be doing, if we aren’t already:

“Shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. And when the Chief Shepherd appears, you will receive the unfading crown of glory”

Are you following the Chief Shepherd? Are you feeding the Lambs in your flock?

Betoota, Australia – A large church in western Queensland has become embroiled in legal controversy after the Head Pastor’s wife was caught posting to Instagram coffee and Bible photographs that were not her own.

Earlier this year, Mrs Stacey Maillard was given two weeks study leave by Harvest Community Church to finish a long awaited book on Godly living. The church paid for a rented apartment away from the area so that she could focus on finishing the final few chapters. The book apparently contains an entire chapter on the importance of early morning Bible reading, and as a result, Mrs Malliard was continuously posting coffee and Bible photographs to Instagram claiming to be enjoying her ‘quiet time’.

However, a congregation member became suspicious after noticing one particular post, which was uploaded and then quickly taken down, that included a footer from a well-known stock photo company. The congregation member did some research on the stock photo company’s website, and found that more than ten of the previously uploaded photographs were not those of Mrs Maillard enjoying her ‘quiet time’, but were in fact stock photographs. She immediately reported the problem to another church staff member other than the Head Pastor.

The story quickly filtered through the congregation, some of whom were bitter, not so much about the legal copyright issue, which is still being dealt with, but more at the hypocrisy of the whole situation, and the irony that the book was being written about Godly living.

Copies of the offending photographs have been taken down, however sources reveal that some quoted Bible verses, others included personal reflections from Mrs Maillard, while others attached dubious jokes and puns, such as “Morning coffee and Bible – just brewtiful”, “Take time to Espresso yourself”, and “Better latte than never”.

Harvest Community Church has declined to comment on the story due to legal reasons.

Originally submitted to “The Babylon Bee“, a trusted source for Christian News Satire.

In a rather unusual story this week from Perth, Australia, a man who is apparently a church-going Christian has deliberately thrown a pie in the face of the CEO of one of Australia’s largest and most popular companies.

Alan Joyce, the chief executive officer of Qantas, Australia’s unofficial national airline, was delivering a keynote speech at a Business Leadership event, when a man in his sixties wearing a business suit walked onto the stage and lauched a lemon meringue pie into his face.

Mr Joyce with more grace and composure than one would expect after having been the victim of such an assault, walked off the stage, cleaned himself up and then returned to continue with his speech. Admittedly he was without his jacket but still managed to joke with his audience by saying “Now, if there are any more pies can you get it over with now?”.

But now for the story behind the story.

The man who threw the pie, Mr Tony Overheu, is a former farmer, church goer, and believer of traditional marriage. Mr Joyce is an openly gay man and one of 20 chief executives of Australia’s largest companies who recently signed a joint letter in support of same sex marriage.

Apparently Mr Overheu threw the pie as some type of push back against business leaders who are overstepping the line in telling the community what is and is not acceptable.

Now we here at Christian Funny Pictures enjoy a good practical joke like the next person. In fact we have posted about many of them over the years. But as a political statement what Mr Overheu did is poorly thought out. In legal terms, it is criminal and Mr Overheu will most likely face court on allegations of assault.

But as a theological statement, as Christian behaviour and conduct, it is dangerously misguided. It’s a disgrace. It’s criminal. It’s sinful.

Why? As Christians we are taught to expect persecution. Not just when things go wrong for us, as that happens to everyone. But when we proclaim the name of Jesus, we should expect there is going to be some opposition. If we live in a country where we still have the freedom to proclaim the message of grace and forgiveness that only comes through Jesus, then praise God, be thankful and do everything within the realms of loving thy neighbour to protect it. But to think that we can proclaim the name of Jesus by picking up the sword, or a pie, and somehow advance the kingdom in that way, is folly, pure and simple.

Christians are the ones who when the going gets tough we rely more heavily on God, not on our own illegal actions. Christians are the ones who even when people turn against us, whether it be friends, family, colleagues or whole communities we still treat them with dignity. Christians should turn the other cheek (whether there is pie on our face or not) and should be models of grace, forgiveness, and tolerance, even for those with whom we disagree entirely. We need to love our enemies not throw pies in their faces.

Jesus says in the Bible “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw stones”, which is a long way from saying “Let him who is without self control throw a pie at someone you disagree with”. In fact for Christians it should be the very opposite. We should be examining the things in our own life that are worthy of having a pie thrown at us, our faults, our failures, and the way we have let others down. We should be asking Mr Overhue (and perhaps ourselves), “Why do you look at the crumb in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the entire pie on your own face?”

Is defending traditional marriage important? Of course it is, perhaps more so now than ever before. But we should defend it with love, truth, kindness and patience, not lemon meringue pies.

 

MADISON, NJ – Negotiations between a church council and its Pastor have ground to a halt over an unusual dispute regarding the Sabbath.

Pastor Colin Hudson of Trinity Church, Madison recently watched a late night re-run of ‘Chariots of Fire’, during which he claims he was convicted by God for his years of disobedience of working on the Sabbath. He turned up to church the next morning and announced to his shocked congregation that he would no longer be able to preach his usual 20 minute sermon due to a newly found ‘Christian’ conviction that prevented him from doing any work on the Sabbath.

The slightly stunned congregation sang some extra hymns and read several of the longer Psalms to fill in the time, and only later found out it was because the Pastor had stayed up late the night before watching the movie.

In the weeks since the announcement, a professional church meditator has been brought in to try and facilitate a resolution to the situation. They have suggested holding the Sunday service on a Saturday or having someone else read out the Pastor’s sermons, but a workable solution has not yet been found.

Pastor Hudson is standing firm, and has been quoted in documents obtained from the negotiations “we can’t just ignore it when the Bible says that the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath”. Further, “People often told me as a joke that it must be nice to only work one day a week, but in all seriousness, I am now fully convinced that this is the one day of the week that I cannot work”. He claims that while he may not be under the same national sporting pressure that Eric Liddell found himself in the early 20th century, he quoted Hebrews chapter 12, saying that we must be willing to run with endurance the race that is set before us, and that he must follow his own conscience on this issue.

Sadly the negotiations have highlighted some underlying bitterness from the congregation, some of whom believe it is just an excuse gone wrong because the Pastor, in staying up late watching tv, had simply run out of time to prepare his sermon.

It is not the first time that Pastor Hudson has come under fire for unusual behaviour, having previously been investigated for preaching an entire sermon using helium gas, and on another occasion organised a secret walk out on an older congregation member who had fallen asleep in the middle of one his sermons, only to be awoken by a loud trumpet call through the church sound system.

Despite the ongoing national media attention, neither party have spoken publicly about the dispute.

A Colorado judge today determined that a Madison bakery unlawfully discriminated against an Atheist by refusing to sell him a hot cross bun without a cross.

Stephen Densmore visited Daily Bread Bakery on High Street, Madison with his mother in the weeks leading up to Easter to purchase two spiced sweet buns made of currents or raisins. Upon asking whether the bakery made such a product, he was told about the store’s speciality: Hot Cross Buns. Mr Densmore then asked whether there were any made without the cross, which he discovered that there were not. Thus the beginning of the legal action.

Mr Densmore sued that bakery for failing to provide a ‘cross-less hot cross bun’ for people who do not celebrate Easter.

“Being denied the right to buy a cross-less bun was offensive and dehumanising especially in the midst of what should have been a pleasant morning out with my mother”, said Mr Densmore. “No one should be forced to buy baked goods that go against who they really are. I am grateful to have the support of my friends and family and I hope that today’s decision will help ensure that no one else will experience this kind of discrimination again in Colorado”.

While Mr Densmore’s primary claim was on the basis of religious discrimination, he was also awarded nominal damages for a secondary claim on the grounds of false advertising. The judge found sufficient evidence regarding the temperature of the bun as Mr Densmore testimony included the following: “After I was forced to buy a hot cross bun, I was quite surprised by its temperature. It was not hot at all. I didn’t want to buy a hot cross bun, but I would never have bought a cold cross bun”.

The decision has angered many Christians and worried many bakers.

“Hot cross buns are one of the biggest sale items for bakeries in the weeks leading up to and after Easter”, said the President of Bakeries Unions, Mr John Leavenson. “Many bakeries could simply crumble under the added pressure of making cross-less buns. If the courts want to maintain any public confidence, this cooked up complaint should be thrown out on appeal.

Daily Bread Bakery has refused to comment and is currently seeking further legal advice regarding the decision.

Written in the style of Babylon Bee

For a long while now, we have had an unofficial Facebook commenting policy which is no swearing, no offensive comments and no spam. We have welcomed debate, as much as you can on a page called Christian Funny Pictures, and we have never deleted a comment or banned someone simply because we disagree. But sadly we have had to ban plenty of people. In fact probably hundreds if not over a thousand. We don’t like doing this, but to maintain the integrity of the page, it has been necessary.

What follows below is a long explanation of our official policy, but if you’re anything like me, and you never read the online terms and conditions, here it is in a couple of short sentence:

If you swear, or are offensive, or post spam you may be banned without warning. If you continue to do so after a warning, you will almost certainly be banned.

For anyone who has been around our page for a little while, this should sound familiar as we are just making our unofficial policy our official policy.

But for those of you who want a few more details, or you are the sort of person who likes reading online Terms and Conditions then please feel free to read on.

Section 1 – Swearing

I work in a job where I hear people swearing all the time. I hear it, I read it, I probably (and unfortunately) know more swear words than the average person, and it has been a long while since I have heard a new one. But do you know what? I don’t like it. And I know a lot of other people that don’t like it either. This is not a Christian / non-Christian thing: you don’t get into Heaven by not swearing, and you aren’t excluded from Heaven if you have ever sworn in your life. It is just plain and simple that I don’t like it. And this is my page and I get to make up the rules, which I did a long time ago, but I am only just now getting around to writing them down. No, this is not like the 10 commandments of Christian Funny Pictures, and No, if you use the word bottom, or bum, or other words that make a 7 year old snigger, it will not be an automatic swing of the Ban Hammer**. However, if you think that some people may not like to hear a particular word that you are about to use, then don’t use it. Or if you think it would be inappropriate in front of a grandmother (even if you are a grandmother and swear like a trooper), then all we are asking is if you could please refrain from using it in your comments.

Subsection 1.1 – Other people swearing

At the time of writing this, there are over 140,000 of you and only one of me. Rarely is there a time when I visit the page that there are less than 20 plus notifications, and I cannot possibly keep up with all the comments, even if maintaining Facebook were my only job (it’s not, because as stated above, I have another one where I have to, among other things, listen and read about people swearing).

Therefore, if you see someone swearing in the comments, send me a link or a photo through PM, and I’ll decide what to do: delete the comment or swing the Ban Hammer**. Consider it your little act of service to keep this page clean.

Section 2 – Offensive Comments

This one requires a little bit more explanation, but it is still quite simple. We are a page that is trying to show that Christianity and laughter are not incompatible and one of our main tag lines is to laugh AS Christians not AT Christians.

And rather than be all negative about it, let me tell you first what is allowed on our page. We never ever delete a comment or ban someone simply because they say something we disagree with. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Christian or a non-Christian, you are welcome to come on to this page and disagree with us. But you are also allowed to do that politely, and with respect. And if you know it is going to be something controversial, then you can also make the comment without attacking other people.

So what don’t we allow? If you come onto this page to deliberately argue with people and do so in a way that is either demeaning of an individual or a group of people, or if you personally harass someone in the comment section, then you will amost certainly be banned. Who gets to decide this? This again falls to me, and I always err on the side of caution, because I know that I have sometimes said or done things that I regret or am ashamed of, and I prefer interaction with people than having to swing the ban hammer**.

Subsection 2.2 – Offensive Personal messages

Over the years I have been running this page, I have received some wonderfully encouraging messages from people who have loved our page but are concerned about a particular picture we have posted. They have done so by stating how much joy they have taken from the page as a whole, and then asked me kindly to review a certain picture. When a request like this is made, we always review the picture and in many cases we have then taken it down. Under no circumstances do we want this page to be a stumbling block for others to come to faith, or for those new in the faith.

However, we have received other types of messages that have totally outnumbered those messages that we have just described. They usually start by telling me that I am not a Christian and they demand that a certain picture be taken down or else. I won’t tell you the “or else” part of some of those messages otherwise I would be breaking the very rules I am trying to set down. These type of messages are routinely ignored as the content is overshadowed by the delivery.

If you are going to send me a personal message, please remember that I am just a person. I am a sinner just like you, and sometimes I make mistakes. I get angry, I get sad, I feel down, and sometimes things can cut deep. But I am also, more than willing in appropriate circumstances, to revisit, review or take down pictures.

Section 3 – Spam

This is perhaps the easiest of all of our rules (or is it). There is obvious spam such as free sunglasses, links to porn websites, and invites to online games. As you can imagine, on a site called Christian Funny Pictures, all of these will see the Ban Hammer swing gloriously and automatically.

However, there is another type of spam, where someone repetitively comments, whether it be on topic or off topic, about the one topic or many topics. I am not talking about one or two comments here or there, or commenting back and forth within a good discussion (I once had a great discussion with an Atheist on a particular post of ours, where there were several hundred comments in the end). But posting the same message on numerous different pictures is not only annoying, but do it enough and it becomes offensive. There is a fine line for this type of spam, and I almost always give a warning about this type of spam. If it keeps happening something gets swung – that’s right, the Ban Hammer ** again.

Conclusion

So why have we formalised these rules. Because I am wasting so much time monitoring comments and banning people that it is distracting me from our goals. We started this page to laugh AS Christians not AT Christians, and we have been amazed at the reaction and progress of this page, and also humbled by the number of people who have joined us (we still remember our very first ‘like’ and continue to express our thankfulness to her). We have met so many wonderful people online, and received so much wonderful feedback about the page. But regardless of all of that, we want people to know Jesus. If even just one of our pictures, or videos, or cartoons, or jokes makes someone think about the Bible, about our lives, and about our desperate need for a saviour, it has all been worthwhile (as clichéd as all of that sounds).

God has appointed various people in the church, some are prophets, some are teachers, some have the gifts of healing, some are to help and some are to administer. We are so thankful that there are all these people.

But Paul also said that to the Jew he became as a Jew, to those under the law, he became as one under the law, to the weak he became weak, and he became as far as possible like those he was ministering to. Why? As he says at 1 Corinthians 9:22 “I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some”. In our own way, we are seeking to minister to those lost on the Internet (of which there are millions).

May God use this page for his glory in order to save some.

Soli Deo Gloria

** I got this nifty little phrase “ban hammer” from Chris Breechens at Writing about Writing, who also had to come up with an official Facebook commenting policy to deal with the often out of hand Facebook commenting that sometimes goes on.

Have you been seeing a lot of llamas on Facebook lately? Have you seen the profile pictures of your friends one by one turn into a llama? Don’t know what is going on?

While we have posted about llamas before, such as this one, please feel free to read on if you would like an explanation.

There is currently a riddle going around that is only by personal message. If you decide to do the riddle and get it right, you get to keep your profile picture, get it wrong and you change your profile picture to a llama for the next three days, or some other specified time period.

So what is the riddle? Here it is

“Answer me in pm so that others do not see the answer and can participate…
It is 3 in the morning, you’re sleeping and you hear the doorbell. It’s your parents who show up for a surprise visit for breakfast. You’ve got the strawberry jam, honey, bread and cheese. What do you open first?
Don’t forget, answer me by private message or text, don’t put comments. If you answer correctly I will put your name in comment. If you’re wrong you have to put a photo of lama as your profile picture”.

Do you want to know the answer?

I will leave you to choose, but here are the best four answers that I have seen across the Internet (not necessarily the correct answer, but the best ones in my opinion – we waste our time on the Internet so that you don’t have to)

1. Your mouth to tell your parents to get out of there, as they should be setting a better example than turning up for breakfast at 3am.

2. The Gun cabinet – I suppose a legitimate answer for some people who own a gun.

3. The door – possibly the front door or fridge door or bedroom door.

4. Your eyes – Most likely the correct answer for this ridiculous riddle, but by no means the funniest.

I hope that helps you in some small way. Perhaps to show your appreciation you could share or like this page, or even better leave another funny answer in the comment section.